Setting Boundaries with Family

51f1f3b3

Alright, welcome back to Beyond the Label! I'm Ruby Sturt, here with the ever-wise Eric Marquette. Eric, mate, this topic gets under my skin more than a fly at a BBQ. You know, when your family loves you, means well, and… just absolutely, spectacularly misses the mark about your child’s needs?

Eric Marquette

Oh, absolutely. And I think it's one of those universal experiences, isn't it? Well-meaning relatives, bless them, armed with advice from another millennium—sometimes literally—and a firm belief that “it worked in my day.” It's, uh, disorienting. My mum once mailed me a newspaper clipping on discipline... from 1975. Honestly, though, it does come from a place of care, even if it lands as frustration.

51f1f3b3

Yeah, and it’s almost always tangled up in those generational and cultural influences, right? Like, my nan, she’s lovely, but she could write an encyclopedia on exactly why “screens are evil and avocado will ruin the baby’s tummy.” Genuinely, love her to bits, but when she starts comparing parenting advice from 1970s rural Victoria to now, my brain just goes soft. You feel like you’re tip-toeing through this minefield of “well that’s not how I raised you!”

Eric Marquette

And let’s not forget the cultural layer—how some grandparents firmly believe displaying emotions or discussing neurodiversity is either unnecessary or even, “fuss-making.” There’s this resistance to new language around disability, or updates in therapy and support. For them, admitting a child has challenges can feel like admitting defeat, and breaking that cycle is enormously tough. I’ve certainly struggled with finding the balance between empathy and, er, not losing my patience.

51f1f3b3

Exactly! There’s this emotional weight to it, too. Because, if you’re on the receiving end, it’s easy to feel misunderstood—or worse, like you’re being judged or undermined every time someone says “Well, in my day…” I reckon, just like in our episode on self-advocacy, it creates this tension where advice becomes less about support and more about whose way is right. It’s exhausting! Sometimes a loving word can feel like a tiny paper cut, yeah?

Eric Marquette

Definitely. And the children feel it too, don’t they? When they see mum or dad flustered after a well-meaning but off-mark comment, it can make them self-conscious or anxious. It’s all so nuanced. But, look, I suppose that’s why we’re here—to break down some of these old assumptions and help folks set healthy, helpful boundaries.

51f1f3b3

Exactly, and look, let’s get into the nuts and bolts. Practical, actual things families can do—because let’s be real, vague advice doesn’t work at the kitchen table. For instance, you get the classic: “He just needs more fresh air and fewer therapies.” How do you respond, Eric?

Eric Marquette

I think, gently but firmly. Something like, “We appreciate your concern, but we’ve chosen this approach because it works for us.” Or the gold standard: “I’m glad you care so much, but we’ve done the research and this is what’s best for our family right now.” Always using “I” statements, as we harp on about, because it lowers the temperature. At least, most of the time.

51f1f3b3

Absolutely, and sometimes you’ve gotta laugh about it! I, uh—true story—actually used AI to write a text to my nan after she kept sending links to, like, homeopathic cough syrup stuff. “Hey Nan, thanks so much for thinking of us. We’re sticking with the doctor’s plan for now, but love that you care. See you Sunday for scones?” She replied with an entire paragraph about scones, naturally! Sometimes, scripting it helps take out the sting.

Eric Marquette

Oh, I love that. It’s about tact, isn’t it? Choosing the right time, not dropping a boundary bomb on Christmas Day, for example. And, being consistent is crucial. If you and your partner or co-parent send mixed messages—like one says no sweets before dinner, the other relents in front of grandparents—it’s chaos. Grandparents are world-class at spotting inconsistencies and seizing the moment.

51f1f3b3

Totally, united front and all that. I’ve had to huddle with my partner—sometimes literally beside the kitchen fridge—just to make sure we’re both clear before tackling a tricky chat with the in-laws. It’s like a footy strategy meeting. The more consistent we are, the less ground there is for anyone to “divide and conquer.” And, let’s be honest, kids pick up on the team vibes too.

Eric Marquette

Couldn’t agree more! And it doesn’t have to be adversarial. Sometimes, it’s as simple as saying, “We’re trying something new—give us a bit of time to see how it goes.” You don’t even have to justify every decision; sometimes clarity—and a little respectful assertiveness—does the trick.

51f1f3b3

Yeah, but then you get pushback, right? Oh, you can almost feel it coming. The sigh, the disappointed look, or the barrage of questions, sometimes even guilt trips—“But I just want to help!” Or, “Are you saying we did it all wrong?” You can almost script it.

Eric Marquette

All too familiar. And honestly, it’s okay to feel rattled! People worry about disappointing family, but holding to your boundaries isn’t selfish. It’s necessary. Take the Johnson family—we’ve chatted about them before—they had so many repeated arguments about therapies and routines that eventually, they put together a simple “grandparent info kit.” Just the basics: what their child needed, why, and polite FAQs for holiday visits. It actually changed the tone in those conversations and holidays became less, shall we say, tense.

51f1f3b3

Yeah, and it’s genius! I love practical solutions that are shareable. Honestly, creating a “There Will Be No Drama Here” starter pack for family gatherings might catch on. But really, if your family just doesn’t get it, or keeps pushing, community support is a lifeline. Eric, you’ve dipped into a few parent groups yourself, right?

Eric Marquette

Absolutely, and I often recommend it to parents. There are so many online networks—some big, some hyper-local. Places where you can say, “hey, did anyone else have an uncle who tried to homebrew his own therapy ideas?” and get ten stories back with solidarity and actual advice. Shared experience, I think, helps you realise you’re not just being dramatic—it’s genuinely hard. Sometimes community groups are where the best scripts, resources, and morale boosts come from.

51f1f3b3

Exactly, and being around people with no agenda—just support—helps you refill the tank. Plus, they get it. Like, really get it. And that makes it so much easier to hold your ground with your own family. Which, as you said, isn’t selfish at all. If anything, it’s protecting everyone from those simmering resentments that pop up over the years.

Eric Marquette

So, let’s not forget the self-care side of all this. Setting boundaries, especially with family, takes resilience. You will, without a doubt, need to recharge after tough conversations. Even simple acts—a walk outside, a ten-minute break, a check-in with your partner, or joining a regular support group—can make a world of difference in how you show up for the next round. We talked in “Care for the Caregivers” about tiny self-care routines, but it seriously applies here, too.

51f1f3b3

For sure. And consistency is a muscle, right? Instead of one big, dramatic boundary speech, it’s lots of gentle reminders. Before family gatherings, maybe send a friendly message about routines, or jot down the ground rules for snack time. After the event, follow up if needed. Written reminders really help reinforce things—with way less tension than an in-person showdown. Sometimes you do have to repeat yourself, and that’s fine!

Eric Marquette

And remember to celebrate the small wins. If you got through a holiday with fewer arguments, or your mum remembered the new bedtime routine just once—big tick! Pat yourself on the back. It takes time for people to adjust. I mean, even we get things wrong, and we’re, well, supposed to be the “grown-ups” here.

51f1f3b3

Yeah—progress over perfection, always. Be patient with yourself. Each time you reinforce a boundary, it gets a little easier, even if you trip over your words or backtrack occasionally. Those setbacks don’t mean you failed! They just mean you’re human, and everyone’s learning. Give yourself that grace. Alright, that brings us to the end, I think, Eric?

Eric Marquette

It does. We hope this episode gives you a bit more confidence and some humour to face those tricky family dynamics. Remember, setting boundaries is a journey, not a destination. We’ll have plenty more stories and strategy in future episodes, but for now—

51f1f3b3

Thanks for listening to Beyond the Label! Take care, celebrate those victories, and keep looking after yourself. See you next time, Eric!

Eric Marquette

See you next time, Ruby. Goodbye everyone.